Bismillah.
Bersawang blog ni. Besa ada cakap, update la. It kind seems a bit weird I guess, me not writing with this amount of free time on my hands.
So.. it is a Monday evening, I'm listening to Cigarette by The Wreckers, the singer's ranting about being cheated or leaving someone again. 'Someday I dont have to prove, but until then I'll just do fine on my own, with my cigarettes and this old dirt road'. It's raining, and now Cee Lo's singing F*uck you. Apparently this is my emo playlist.
I just got home, and I was sitting on the floor, listening to good music while staring at my engagement dress. I was scrutinizing on the details, how I asked the tailor to make it loose, now I think it's a bit too loose, but it's fine because I just want to be comfortable in it. I was texting my fiance'-to-be, when The Wreckers came into my playlist and it hit me.
This dress, (duh) means that I'm getting engaged. This week insya Allah. And listening to my playlist, I remembered all my past relationships, the ones that didn't work out, how I felt drained, the tears and fights, dramas and how sick I was with every one of them. And then, looking at the dress, with all its glory, (it looked a bit like what Lady Galadriel would have worn on a daily basis) thinking that I'm here, right now, I've found someone who I want to be with for the rest of my life, and if I'd get a bit more mushy, my other half, my team mate, that soon, I'd be one half of two.
What's more important, I've came this far.
Things have been surreal for a long time, for 2 months to be exact but it feels right. And looking at this dress, another wave of surrealism hits me, with splashes of flashbacks and a glimpse of who I was a few years ago.
And on this note, I cannot thank Allah enough. I can never ever ever thank Allah enough for there are billions of things that He has blessed me with, and it is way way way incomparable to what I have done in His cause. There was a saying, if Allah grants someone Jannah, it is not because of his or her good deeds because it will never be enough. It will be, purely out of the mercy of Allah.
And right here, right now, with this mossy-green Lady Galadriel apparel I have in my room, with this person whom I'll be sharing my life with, a second family to call my own, and along with every beauty and flaw that comes with it, is purely purely purely out of the will, and mercy of the Ar Rahman.
And to think, I was this crazy (still am) young fierce emotional (wait, I'm still all of those) girl. I guess, macam ayah cakap, I'll be turning into a woman next year. It has been.. One. Heck. Of a. Ride.
And again, I cannot thank Allah enough. Alhamdulillah
