checkpoint

bismillah. (dari Yana ke Yana)

Salam.

Hi Yana. How're u doing? Great? No? Tengah buat report kan? Amacam? Susah? Ala relax sudey..
Aku dulu pernah buat thesis satu malam kot. OK la xde la sampai satu malam. Tapi kau ingat tak malam tu, kauminum kopi tongkat ali kot. ke Kopi O? (Which I know you don't drink unless you really need to) pastu kau tak tido 2 hari macam tu straight sebab Dr. Aziah punye pasal.

Standet la wei. Life student. Tapi kau ingatkan? masa tu kau nangis bagai, kau ingat kau tak mampu, tapi Allah mampukan kau. Sampai la siap thesis tu.

Report ni lain? Mat Saleh? Ala. smua tu ciptaan Allah jugak. Kau ingat Dr Aziah dgn Dr Donal tu lain sangat ke standet diorang? Sama je. Semua bawah kuasa Allah. Ko rilek sudey.

huh.. aku? aku ddk je dalam diri kau ni. tengokkan keje gile kau buat smua2 tu. Elok2 cte2 kat orang, jangan mengadu lebih2 sangat. Kadang2 orang ni cepat sangat berubah. Hah kau tengok la kawan2 kau yg konon kau sayang sagat awal2 tu. Boleh pakai ke sekarang?

Sorry la aku bukan la nak negatif ke ape tapi.. kau self sufficient kot. Macam Besa cakap. Dia pecayekan kau. Najah, Feefa semua tu. Orang lain got it harder. Maybe. You don't know for sure because they didn't put their struggles on facebook and instagram. Kau pun jangan nk buat malu aku okay. Keep your struggles to yourself. Aku ade. Allah ade.

Aku snanye nak cakap kat kau, kau boleh. Report ni takde hal la. small matter je. Kau intelligent kot. Allah dah tarik kecantikan muka licin kau masa muda dulu, exchange dgn otak yang genius. Aku lebih suka macam tu. Dari kau guna gedik2 kau untuk flaky2 kosong. Guna otak kau tu. Kau pun tau kau pandai. Jangan nak gebang cakap takut isi salah la writing grammar tak betul la. Internet ada, kawan2 kat lab ada nak check. Use your resources as much as possible.

Report dh settle, hal holiday pulak.. Sekarang ni kau jangan pening pale sangat. Stay loyal to those who have treated you good and you KNOW WILL treat you good. Jangan bias. Jangan terikut sangat 'geng cool' tu. Konon cool2 tapi tak jaga kau pun. Last2 kau lari kat siapa? Allah jugak kan. Duduk dgn orang yang kau rasa ingat Allah lebih. Yang boleh jaga diri dorg, yang boleh jaga kau. Ok. sekarang aku pun dh konpius nk holiday dengan sape. tapi tu belakang cte. Allah lebih Mengetahui.

OK la. Aku jarang bagi kata2 encouragement ni. Tapi, kau macam dah panda sangat ni. Kemon Yana. Kau kuat, Memang penat kuat sorang-sorang. But be patient. Mcm AXL Rose ckp. Patience. Keep your eyes on the prize, remember life is not here. Belah sana tu. Akhirat. *tepuk belakang, peluk*

You can do it.

how I got to Glasgow

In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful. And with the beginning of everything.

The road to where I am now:

I think the role of facebook now is to show the highlights of our lives, ones which we think are important, and that we need to share or, OR showoff to the public. Whichever appeals to you best. Lately, I have been posting some of the things that had happened to me here during my post-graduate experience, in Great Glasgow, Scotland. And I think, because of facebook, our lives are exposed more than ever. And more people know what’s going on to others. That is, if they update it regularly.

And because of that, I get some messages from my juniors asking how did I get here? Where does my money come from? Who do I apply to? And what not. So, dear people who are genuinely, really interested in doing masters, the second level of higher education, a whole new level of stress and independence, and a whole new life, here is my story.

My results

I am 25 years old. I just finished my undergraduate studies as a biomedical student in USMKK in June 2013. I graduated with a CGPA of 3.45. A very average CGPA if I compare this result to my other classmates whom I think, have pointers of roughly 3.5 above.  My IELTS is 8.0 out of 9 but that was just by luck I swear. I had an easy-going examiner who asked me this question for my speaking test.

‘Tell me about your study place’

And Kelantan was rich of culture, experience, and since it was close to my heart, I scored easily.

Applying

I started applying for masters programs in January 2013. I applied them online when I was doing my final year project. Most of them required me to write a personal statement. Personal statements that asks me why I am interested to study, why should they pick me as their student, what do I hope to learn and gain from the course when I graduate, what do I want from the course.. etc. You get the idea.

 I also had to get reference letters from my lecturers. At this point, you will wish you are close to your lecturers and you need them to write nice, honest things about you. And most of the reference letters, you won’t get to read them. You go to a lecturer, say Prof. A, you ask her to write a reference letter for you so that you can go to Uni A for masters, she writes the letter and emails it directly to the Uni A. You won’t get to see what she wrote about you, unless it is an open reference letter format.

Funding

I am self-funded. Originally, I didn’t want to study overseas because this would burden my family. But, My mother told me, Allah dah bagi peluang and not many people get offers. Money is just an object and it comes from Allah. She also told me that, it is jihad to be searching for knowledge lillahi taala and that my friends, is one of the strongest reason why I came here, what kept me going through the tough times, and what makes me feel better in the end.

Offers

Offer wise, just apply for as many universities as you can. In my case, I got three offers, and got rejected by a university once. I chose the one recommended by a close lecturer of mine. It was a good choice.

MARA

My friends are mostly sponsored by MARA. That year, MARA did an advertisement for those who are interested to pursue for their masters oversea. It was phenomenal. I think the advertisement opened late December and closed somewhere in February. It was a matric test; you have to answer questions on paper that question your intelligence, your integrity and your personality.  I didn’t score the test and here, is where I fail to secure my funding.

Accommodations

You need to figure this one out thoroughly. Most people, when they get their offers, go to their designated areas and find their houses, (private) with the people they have agreed to live with (housemates). There are some who choose to live in student accommodations too. There are some pros and cons to this. 

First, student accommodations are mixed with international students and you need to consider living with people who come from different countries, and live with their way of living as well. Their hygiene, party habits, cooking habits, food, soal halal dan haram, you name it. Secondly, they are a wee bit expensive than private houses. The pros; they are closer to the campus (big plus point), you enjoy all the student facilities (gym-huge plus point!) and you get your own room, a comfortable study table, etc. 

If you live in an apartment/house, you need to control your budget, and remember to put aside some money for monthly rent, bills, and if it is not furnished, you need to furnish it. A second issue to this, is your housemate. You choose your housemate wisely. It’s the second closest thing to choosing a husband. I swear.  I am lucky, very lucky to have met my housemate, by chance and Alhamdulillah we get along well. You need to be with someone who is nice to be with, can compromise and discuss, not stingy, and hygienic. And it’s a bonus if you can find someone who can be your friend in good and bad times, a person who can listen and talk to you, give and take, and have the same taste of music as you (karaoke purposes).

Your house and street is a big issue. It needs to be safe, preferably close to the uni. If not, you’re going to spend approx. 40 pounds on transport issues, hustle with the crowd at office hours when you’re dead tired and fight the cold when you’re walking home or waiting for the bus. Safety issues; I live in a quite slum area, kena usik dengan orang yang kurang tamadun/drunk at nights, and I’ve almost got robbed of my phone in broad daylight. It can be dangerous at times but this means that you need to be prepared for this before you come here.

Studying

People here are down-right smart. They also expect you to be smart. And when I mean smart, get ready to spend 10 hours in the library/lab/studio (whatever it is your doing). The hours I put in my study here, is.. incomparable to the hours I put into my study back in Malaysia. And I’m just an average student here, I barely made it through my exams and I work hard. All my friends work hard. And we don’t get to complain because we signed up for this. This is postgraduate.  And you don’t want to give the impression of Malaysians being dimwits or lazy asses.

What else.. I think I got most of the basics covered up. If anything, just ask me here. I’m really sorry that I don’t reply to the messages as best as I could because honestly, I don’t really have the time to explain properly unless I put it to paper like this. Trust me, I never imagined myself being like this, this busy, my social life turned upside down, being independent, and having most of my time alone. But here’s the other thing. Being in another country, like this, has taught me to be alone with Allah. That’s what I meant when I said, ‘Forever alone no more’.  I’m still single and I spend most of my time alone. Be prepared for that too. J

Work Ethics

Dengan Nama Allah, The Most Merciful, The Righteous Teacher, The All-Compassionate.

I never thought I would enjoy or love doing what I'm doing, or being where I am now.

I've said this before, and as much as I'm afraid of jinxing it, I'll say it again. The work ethic here is fantastic. Research here is 10 times faster than in Malaysia. And I love, my lab. My floor at least.
There were times I didn't feel like I quite fit in. But if I compared this to the lab back home, I mean, I'm staying in my own country where we speak the same language. By right we should be able to mix around and help each other.

It's not that I'm complaining or trying to prove anything here. But back home, the ice box is not meant to be shared. Between different groups.  When I faced this situation back then I was like, Oh. Okay.

But here, my supervisor took out an icebox for me, filled it with ice and watched me do PCR  just to make sure I did it right. And today, he called me a good scientist, despite all the hurdles I'm having, inconsistent digestions and having wasting buckets of plates for colony transformation.

I had learnt, more things within these 2 months here than I had learnt for 2 of my final years back in Malaysia. And subhanallah the people are so encouraging. I mean, Anne, Sile, Hannah, Heather, Khuram, Shira. I don't know.. basically the whole lab sort of, wants  to help if if they know you're in need of something. The Spaniards were really helpful, lending their gel machines, combs or any machine (when you think of it) you name it! And they're in a different group!

Everyone smiles at you, the technicians say good morning, asked about your weekend, and when it snows, they'll all encourage you to go out and play in the snow because they know you're Asian and never had snow before. I don't want to be too gullible, blindly thinking everyone is nice and has rainbows in their heads and hearts. But so far, alhamdulillah. Everyone is friendly here. The whole floor is about 6 blocks wide, and just about everyone knows everyone in it.

I really don't want to compare this to the scene back in Malaysia but people here, are just really into their stuff, genuinely interested in what their doing, passionate and open minded. I mean, if you have a problem and you just go to anyone with a good nature, ask for their opinion, they'll just try to help. Even if they're from a different group. And if they can't they'll just say sorry and suggest someone who can.

Oh and did I mention, they open doors for you, cook stuff like desserts and briyani for you every now and then? Its awesome. Its Islam to me. Pure and straightforward. They're not muslims. But what I can say, when I hear that Islam is evident, more apparent in the overseas, can be true. 

Science has bad and good days. People cheer for you on the good ones, and give you support on the bad ones. And my English is a bit weird here but they just laugh at me and say its okay.

I wish Malaysia could have a good work atmosphere just like what I'm having now. I mean, we're lean mean working machines, straight from 9-5. At least from 9-5. But I see people coming on weekends and earlier in the morning. Sometimes at 7. Sile has amazing results and she comes in at 7, leaves at 6 pm, comes in weekends, and she's the best. I think almost everyone loves her because she's just friendly and helpful. It's kind of apparent here that, the most hardworking person, is the most celebrated one in the lab. 

Work. I never thought I would be immersed by it. My prayers has even shifted a bit. I mean like, I pray I make good work in the end. Meet good people in the end. Have a good ending.

To Dr Wan Amir, thank you for recommending me Glasgow as a study place. My supervisor asked me, "How do you find Glasgow?"
"I find it alright. I like it better than London and other parts of England. The people here are nice and friendly"
and he said, "Yeah. That's why I stayed too."

Moga-moga kita ditempatkan bersama-sama orang yang baik-baik di dunia dan di akhirat. Insya Allah

THE day. I've been waiting for

In the name of Allah, The Greatest, All-Knowing, The Reliever, The Generous and The Most Merciful.

I've been waiting for today. For quite a long time. There are some many words that i need to put into detail but I'd just skip the descriptions and what not, and go straight to the point.

1. I got my bands from the gradient PCR. It sounds so insignificant, but I swear it is important to me. Because that means now, I can move on with my project and that I'm one step closer to getting results and start my writing. That ALSO means that, THERE IS NOTHING wrong with my lab skills. That ALSO means, that it wasn't my fault I didn't get results before. Someone misplaced my samples and forgot to tell me they did. I was too happy to get annoyed anyway. I literally teared up at the desktop. And sort of start 'Yeeeesssss!!!' and the technician looked at me in a weird way, and I did a little jump across the lab corridor, squealed in my supervisor's room, Donal was like 'you're noisy, get out' shocked face but he thought it was funny. But I got it anyway. It was clear, nice bands.
   
2. It snowed. Like, HALE snow. And I thought I wasn't excited but on the brink of the event, a lecturer stood beside me, and said. Oh my, it's snowing. Everyone was literally stamping their faces on the lab window. The Spaniard group in front of me were ecstatic. I dropped my stuff, pipettes and all, ran into the office, grabbed my phone and was like 'OMG its snowing! I'm gonna call my mom!' I ran, and Anne followed after me, (she thinks I'm hilarious, never seeing snow) and called after me "Don't forget to get Shira with yeh!!" And I'm like 'Yeah! Yeah!' I stood outside, and it was this soft white slush on the grounds, And suddenly.. BAM! I got hit by a snowball. Maria and her lab mates were already there. They were laughing and gushing. We snapped some good pictures, and for quite awhile, we didn't chat about our projects, we talked about how soft snow was, how our home didn't have snow, and how we forgot how cold it was then. At this point, Anne, told me,  "You got yer bands today, and it snowed on the same day. This day has been perfect so far". I got scared because I didn't want to be TOO happy. But I was thankful nonetheless. And I thought.. if only he  would text me..
3. The trick was, He did. In the morning. And when I came home, we chatted for awhile. I wasn't as hyped or as crazy as I was about him like last year. But, it just made my day better. And when I thought it couldn't get any better..
4. I was in the bus, on my way home, making playlists of what songs I want to play on the piano, with my dad and my siblings when I get back home. And then, I came across a song, Aizat gave to me. And I'm like, oh. No one would play this for me but him. And I started to think that maybe I should text him to play this again for me. (its one of my stupid random thoughts. I never did anything THAT stupid again now. Alhamdulillah) but anyway, I tried recalling his number.. BUT I CAN'T. I don't remember. it was 0193612433 or 2433? I'm not sure. I really don't remember, I'm not sure, it's vague and a WAVE of happiness surged upon me. I. Forgot. His. Number. I'm finally moving on, and now, I'm at peace with myself.
5. I rewarded myself with another round of movie. This time, 'Unbeatable' and the soundtrack theme, 'The Sound of Silence' keeps playing on and on. This feels nice. 

I know it's not fair to only remind myself of Allah at times of extreme happiness and sadness. I know I do that. I'm not perfect, I'm eons, miles away from it. But Allah has a way of pulling me closer back to Him. Subhanallah. I almost gave up, felt like giving up so many times. But He is always there. And He promised. 

" If my servant comes to Me walking, I go to him running." (Al-Bukhari)

The brute honesty of a health science bandy-brain

Bismillah

Im now in a chinese restaurant, its 8.30pm. Im waiting for my food.

So. Hows the first 3 weeks of research? Hectic. Im one of the early/average birds to check in the lab, and i go back around 5-6ish. My supervisor is amazing. He's a Donal, he wears t shirt n jeans to work, never forgets me although he's busy. He has some phd students under him. And they are THE best. Sile, and Heather. And oh the technician, Anne. I mean, she's sent from heaven. Everybody is there to help. Macam ASK me if im okay and stuff.

And here I am, wth everybody so genius and genuinely wanting results and helping me and the environment is so.. Ugh it makes me LOVE work but at the same time, I feel like im not up to par. Dulu sv suka marah, and expect so much too, but treats me like shit. Ill say this honestly. What kind of person expects their student to fly back to the lab overnight for a discussion? I dont know.

I screw up a weeks worth of pCR. But donals like, okay i think this this this doesnt work, well have to do that this and that. Study this, well need to get this to work so that we can sell a story for your project. Ok cool. Masa kat msia dilu, im sorry, but j was critized for going back to EXERCiSE. Kena perli, compared to my aunt and superiors. I mean, seriously??

The only problem now is, i need to kick up a notch. Its amazing pressure here, i almost cracked up today. Besa. U shud be here. It would be awesome kalau dpt discuss dgn ko. Research is definitely for u.