Hey-you-you-duck-face-selfie-big-eyed-vain-person-you!

Haha! So, again today, In the Name of Allah, The most Gracious, The Most Forgiving and One who loves, Jameel; Beauty.

I'm not gonna write about my mother's birthday, because it will make me well up and cray. Again.
Instead, I was scrolling my timeline when I find THE most annoying pictures on the planet! So I clicked 'unfollow' again and again and with the most minimum patience I now have (which I will later on regret) tweeted 'wtf'

I have.. the most... pity or how shall I say it. Kesian, for girls or guys for that matter that needs to put up pictures of their faces, edited cropped and touched up (or not touched up as I may say, #nofilter) on the internet and sort of like.. need constant reassurance that they are pretty or look good or comel.

whatever.

Seriously stop. Just stop.

It's freakingly annoying. It just shows so much how insecure you are, how vain, how much you depend on other people's reassurance, and what they think of you, just shows how much you need people to give approval of you.

If I have one wish, I wish people would stop posting duckfaces, selfies, #ootd's every day, hashtags of what they wear, on instagram or facebook or whatever. Its sickness, its poisoning our minds and lowering our intelligence. Honestly! Why do we care so much? On how we look and what other people think??

Why people don't really value brainstuff anymore? Or wit? Or diligence and humour?

I know you're gonna say stuff like 'eh gambar aku suka aku la' or 'tak suka unfollow sudah' or 'kau macam bagus sangat kau pun ada gmbr selfie' but by god, I don't put a zillion hashtags along with it. Or post my face every week. And don't go goo-goo eyed and put it on the internet.

Here's a tip. If you think that you look pretty in the picture, don't post it. Try.

boy-friend bollocks

Bismilahirahman nirrahim. (In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful)

Im making a disgrace of myself for giving this title such a bad one. And I'm in an even more bad position for stealing some of my lab time to write this crap.

I've had some male friends before. To the point we became close. And when I mean close, it means like, sharing some problems together, and being vulnerable and you know.. letting your guard down. But the thing is, what I hate about these things is that... when this happens, boy-friend bollocks uh.. they sort of take advantage of you.

For example:

Situation : Man U vs Arsenal. And I have some family problem or just another hormonal thing going on, I just need ice cream and a shoulder to cry on. Annd it's kinda stupid for me because I trust this person (boy-friend bollock) to BE my friend and sort of be there for me. But its effing ManU and Arsenal and I can't expect him to be there for me can I.

But then after the game, when he gets lonely, and it's time to sleep and suddenly his roommate is calling his girlfriend and boy-friend bollock doesn't want to feel left out either, so he texts me, acts all flirty, calls me dear or some cheesy pet name to make up for the lost time.

And this does not happen once.

There are.. thousands of men out there that are just not serious and flirty and god they are annoying. And yes they are good at words too. And apparently the world just can't get enough of them. I mean on the surface they seem all nice and stuff but when you get to know them, never like, NEVER EVER let your guard down. Act cold instead. Flirty stuff is so yesterday.

I really hate it when flirt happens, and when people use them to comfort themselves when they are emotionally drained or unstable. And you know what, flirting back is just not worth it. Not even for passing time, I swear.

The brute honesty of a health science bandy-brain

Bismillah

Im now in a chinese restaurant, its 8.30pm. Im waiting for my food.

So. Hows the first 3 weeks of research? Hectic. Im one of the early/average birds to check in the lab, and i go back around 5-6ish. My supervisor is amazing. He's a Donal, he wears t shirt n jeans to work, never forgets me although he's busy. He has some phd students under him. And they are THE best. Sile, and Heather. And oh the technician, Anne. I mean, she's sent from heaven. Everybody is there to help. Macam ASK me if im okay and stuff.

And here I am, wth everybody so genius and genuinely wanting results and helping me and the environment is so.. Ugh it makes me LOVE work but at the same time, I feel like im not up to par. Dulu sv suka marah, and expect so much too, but treats me like shit. Ill say this honestly. What kind of person expects their student to fly back to the lab overnight for a discussion? I dont know.

I screw up a weeks worth of pCR. But donals like, okay i think this this this doesnt work, well have to do that this and that. Study this, well need to get this to work so that we can sell a story for your project. Ok cool. Masa kat msia dilu, im sorry, but j was critized for going back to EXERCiSE. Kena perli, compared to my aunt and superiors. I mean, seriously??

The only problem now is, i need to kick up a notch. Its amazing pressure here, i almost cracked up today. Besa. U shud be here. It would be awesome kalau dpt discuss dgn ko. Research is definitely for u.

Sam Berns

In the Name of Allah, Ar-Rahman, The Most Merciful

I was reading some of my own posts, thinking about what I thought over some time ago, pimples, PCR bands, friends, money, boys and such. And I had problems everywhere. I'm just constantly thinking about my problems. they're like.. something I can create out of thin air. That's how much my problems are.

From the moment I wake up, fighting the cold, to catch the bus, oh, no seats. Reaching the lab late, now I have to thaw my stuff, doing 5 hours of PCR, no bands, going back in the rain, alone, cook, watch some runningman and constantly watching  my phone waiting for someone to reach me, approvals on instagram and facebook.. and finally doze off to sleep.

You see, the reason I write is to get a bitter realization that my problems are actually not that big, to the extent that they are ridiculous. Most of the times after I finish writing, I read it and find my posts immature. But real.

Because I'm far from perfection.

Last night I saw a video about a 17-yr old boy named Sam Berns, he was born with progeria, a rare genetically inherited disease which causes him to age pre-maturely. In other words, he becomes old in a jiffy. But Masha Allah, what he said, what state he was, how he was with it, his words, touched me so much. It made me feel like im such an ungrateful person, so immature, so consumed with MY own problems, SO sucked up, worked up with problems that other people might even dream of having..


 To Sam Berns.

Muka dan resolusi

With the Mercy of Allah and His Love

I talked to my mother this morning, she asked me to give up chocolates so that I won't have pimples on my face. And I'm like what's the point? What's the point kalau ada jerawat pun kat muka? I mean, when I eat or DON'T eat chocolates they're still there. I eat my vitamins, drink water, jog and stuff but it's STILL there. Whatever I DO they're STILL THERE.

Me and my pimples, we're best friends, they never left me. No siree.

And I'm like, "Ma, what's the point? Duniawi je semua ni" and she's like "No, its not duniawi, Tuhan gave u a nice face it's your job to take care of it" and I'm like "I've done everything I could, you CAN'T possibly ask me to give up chocolates for this," and in my little heart 'I'll literally die' and it cried for a bit.

So, for my mother, for my beautiful face, for Allah, in the Name of Allah; I will stop eating chocolates.

*This is by far, one of the biggest sacrifice for my mother. I mean she did say, kalau nak muka macam tu it's your choice. But I know, I know, she wants me to be pretty and flawless and perfect, but I'm not that! I just gave up on that.. wait, that was never in my list. Or goal. Maybe I should make it as a resolution. Have a nice face. Without pimples, by NOT eating chocolates.

Tell me how

With the mercy of Allah,

I want to talk to you, know you, but I don't know how

Yana gone mushy level muntah rainbow

Bismillah

#dalam 3-4 minit, cinta high class by ustazah fatimah

#2 minit, by prof. muhaya

Ye aku segan nak mengaku, dulu aku punya skeptikal kat orang-orang yang dok post video-video macam ni. La ni, aku yang buat.

Dah nama start dari bawah, dulu banyak mengarut lagi dari ingat Allah.

Sekarang? wallahualam, ikhlas takat mana hati aku pon Allah yang lebih Mengetahui.

Aku jugak segan nak mengaku, aku mencari jugak.

Umoq nak cecah 25 dah. 

Uci dah risau, tapi mak aku tetap the coolest.

Katanya, trust in Allah, jodoh itu Dia akan sampaikan pada masa yang betul.

Ada la, orang dok ejas aku.

Tapi wallahualam, Allah dah tautkan hati aku kat seseorang yang tak kenal aku sangat pun.

Bila aku tengok video ni, rasa tenang sikit.

Adala rasa kurang cool post benda-benda macam ni.

Tapi fikir balik, aku bukan budak.

Mati tu bila-bila masa.

Elok la post benda berfaedah.

Apa la sangat pandangan orang.

Bukan depa yang jamin aku akhirat selamat ke, bagi makan kat aku ke.

Be strong

Bismillah.

It's been awhile since I wrote to you. I'll make this short.

A family member of yours just passed away. I'm sorry to hear that..

Innalillahi wailaihi raajiuun

 (ا لِلّهِ وَإِنَّـا إِلَيْهِ رَاجِعونَ), 

"Surely we belong to Allah and to Him shall we return"

I know you loved him. But he is a gift from Allah. Everything in our lives are. Yours and mine.
Allah akan tarik nikmat Dia bila-bila masa.

Aku tahu ayat ni cliche, but Allah lebih menyayangi dia. 

And by that, I hope you are comforted. 

And by this, I hope we become better people.

And remember that one day, kita pun akan pulang ke Rahmat Allah.

Ada disebut, berulang kali dalam Al-Quran,

bagi orang-orang yang beriman, akhirat itu satu tempat yang bahagia dan mereka adalah golongan yang wajahnya tersenyum dan bahagia untuk pulang dan bertemu dengan Allah.
Dan aku doakan arwah termasuk dalam golongan ini.
insya Allah

tapi bagi golongan yang kalah dengan duniawi,  

lupa pada Allah di dunia, when they die,

akhirat is a bad place, and they worry and are filled with regret.

Masa tu, pintu rahmat Allah tertutup.

nauzubillah.

insya Allah, aku akan doakan yang baik-baik untuk kau dan keluarga kau.

be strong okay.

Close

Bismillah

#Feefa, Najah and Najib

They spent their winter break in Jordan. And I miss them loads.

These two people, Feefa and Najah by far understands me most. Feefa has been friends with me for almost 12-13 years. Najah, on the other hand around around 10 years or so. Good friends. Really good friends.

Feefa, is the person to know me, truly see behind all my laughter and tears, understand my family ruckus deep dilemmas and such. And she knows where I came from, what I went through to become who I am today. 

They, are both.. truly people who loves Allah. And not only by words, but by their actions. They are not concerned much about facebook or instagram. Or what other people think about them. They put family first above friends and other worldly matters. 

When I am with them, I don't have to worry about salah, (even delaying salah). I don't have to worry if I am doing a bad thing or not because I know we look out for each other. But we still know how to have fun, laugh and such. We're not perfect, but it comforts me to know that all of us, are working, trying to be a better person.

And I'm not saying that my other friends are not like that. Maybe they are but not many of them know me as deeply or as long as my high school friends. And not many will remind me of what is truly, truly important in the end. 

I miss being with them. Rasa selamat, and at home. 

On the brink of fever

Bismillah.

Im lying on Payya's bed. Tired. A bit feverish. I have two huge bags to drag back to glasgow. I'm close to broke. My wallet was lost to a pickpocket on boxing day. I'm going back alone. I am scared. And worried. My mum, is worried even more. I dont tell her I feel weak.

I trust this is what allah has planned for me. I wish, and it is one of the strongest wish I have for now, for a protector, a friend, a person who can look out for me. Understand me. Who wants to love Allah more than anything else.

A person who will be with me so that my parents will stop worrying about me. So that i can rant about what I feel in verb and in words. Who will make me strong and challenge me to be a better person. A person who is like me, vulnerable but working and fighting everyday, to be strong.

My other half,  my equal. I am waiting for you.


Jiwang habis.