The ugly friend

Bismillah.

This, is what I really feel.

So yeah the hocus pocus drama of a woman in the 20th century. We all see ads of objectifying women, and portraying them of how they should look or at least EXPECTED to look like.And I don't mean this in just a Western perspective. Because it's just so overrated. And we couldn't just stop at the ads, there are equally lost of articles and retaliations of how a woman should not be or look like. Articles that say, 'beauty is not everything' 'stop objectifying women' 'everyone is beautiful in every way' the whole lot of crap.

I'd say, no matter how you express it, an ugly girl will always feel ugly. And as crude as this might be, before that someone she adores tells her otherwise, she'll probably feel that way for a long time.

I'd say, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. But up to a certain point. I'd say, we can all agree if someone is utterly beautiful.

I'm not pretty or beautiful. At least that's how I feel. And I chose brains over brawn. And I'm not saying all the pretty girls are stupid or bimbos. But I'm just saying, on  gloomy Friday evening, as I'm waiting for my SDS gel to be stained, plan to pray Asar afterwards, my brains constantly thinking on what to write next, and not caring how I look up at this point, myself always wearing this worn jeans, grey sweater with tudung bawal; I'll always be this kind of person; this kind of girl.

And deep deep down, watching my friends get hitched away, or showing  the world that they are gonna get married or something similar to that, I feel a bit left out. Like time is moving slower for me. Or maybe I won't get married. Or maybe I'll really just study until I die. Or maybe it'll be like what I think, that I'll come back and just take care of my parents and siblings and maybe as time goes by, I won't care anymore. But heck, deep deep down, I think I do.

But it isn't so bad as it sounds. I'm learning. And I love knowledge. And I think being here, makes me the best Muslim I could be.

I do feel a bit lonely. I mean, my parents won't listen much to me up at this point. They're so lucky that they have two younger children to keep them busy at home. Maybe I don't even have to get married and have kids to give them grandchildren because the'll always have someone at home to keep them company.

*This is a really really negative post but it's honest anyway.

Right. So.. I'd better get to work.