Slum ride

Bismillah. 

I love my bus rides. I also love the fact that I live in a somewhat ghetto/slum area. Sebab bila naik that 30-min bus ride, I listen to songs which are dark or fast-beat, or when its raining, I listen to Norah or Sara and everything feels in place.

I know its dirty but the fact is, dirty is what makes a place different. Clean is just clean. You don't have different kinds of clean. 

And I missed this shot because I just went out of the tunnel. Banyak conteng-conteng kat dinding, graffiti, *not as nice as setiawangsa, definitely by 100 times uglier than the city's art-graffiti*

I like the fact that it's swampy, wet and kinda ugly.

Wait for it.

One of the best parts of the bus rides. This place, Glasgow in particular, is infested with rainbows. We have rainbows at least once a week. This is the Strathclyde river. I haven't discovered that part of the city yet. Been wanting to but haven't got the time. There's a nice jogging track along the river that I've been wanting to run on. But still the case, never had the time yet.

I like this place. Where I live, how dangerous it is at nights, the Romanians, Czechs, Pakistanis, Hindi. It's uncomfortable, the dirt and stuff. But for me, this place, really, really changed me. It's hard, living here. It's far and I have to wake up bloody 2-3 hours before class or my intended study hour. But this place changed me.

rindu yang terindah

Salam.

Ada satu bunyi, bila dengar, hati aku terusik. It gives me goosebumps, a hint of hope, a touch of misery. Rindu yang mendalam. That person or thing that I miss, next to basketball, is my piano.

My dear, dear piano.

My piano is a black yamaha. She sits beside the stairs. facing the window. Sometimes when we leave the windows open, she enjoys the wind from the rain. Her middle E is stuck because I pressed on it too much. And she gets a bit dusty at times. She's kinda old. I got her when I was 14. In fact, she's now 10 years old. She's as old as the tortoise and she's really really special to me.

When I'm with her, I am ONLY with her. And no one else. I mean, sometimes I play with audience but then, my concentration gets disrupted. I talk and blablabla and my fingers presses the wrong notes and everything gets haywired. But what I enjoy most is when I play, and someone sits beside me and sits patiently and sing.

One of the best thing my dad said to me was, "Kakyang, main la piano tu. Ayah rindu nak dengar kakyang main."

My best moments with her, is usually at nights, around 9 or 10 pm. When my brothers go to bed, and my dad reads his book. When I play Gravity and City. When I play To Zanarkand or Julia. When I play Hallelujah. White Horse.

My best moments, are when I'm feeling sad, I don;t know what to do, or where to go, I spend time with her. And at times, I forget that there are people in my house, and I play and if I'm lucky, I manage to sing at the same time. And I feel like I'm only with my piano.

Me and my piano, we only have one picture together. It's sort of a private relationship. I only play for those I love. And like, if I call you, and ask you to listen me play, you better not treat me like shit because that means I really care for you. Because this thing here, me and my piano, we decided to share with you our imperfections, and share something private with you.

Man, I miss her.

Rindu I

Assalam.

Fieq, Anty.

Yana rindu nak main basketball. Sungguh. Rindu sangat ni. Sejenis riindu yang kuat sampai terasa kecutnya hati, macam kena cubit-cubit, kesit hati.

Rindu nak kena cabar. Rindu dengan taunt AK. Rindu dengan gurauan 'Yana pendek' 'Yana rebound'. Rindu dengan 3-point.

Yana rindu badan nak rasa sakit-sakit sebab training. Rindu dengan rasa pressure untuk improve skill sendiri. The drive to be patient with the coach,and the players. That feeling when you step into the court in a big game. That first footstep.When you line up against your opponents. That drive to win. That adrenaline rush when you run, and you feel liberated. That feeling when a fast-break happens and you score.

That feeling when you steal.

That feeling when you block.

That feeling of being pushed. Body contact. Sweet,sweet sweat.

Itu kalau main. Kalau tengok kat Chung Hwa. Dengan budak-budak sekampung dengan komen masing-masing. Dengan abam2 cina kita yang sibuk betting berapa score team yang tengah main. Rindu nak jadi ref. Nak blow.

Rindu bila berhadapan dengan Fieq. Anticipating her next move.When she laughs and scores. When I actually managed to block her. Rindu kalau kena tipu dengan Anty, fake dia sana sini. Ah orang tua tu. Kata je tua tapi kuat menipu dalam game. Rindu dengan Samah, Pokmi, Cikgu, AimanBieber, AK, Keba. Dan yang sewaktu dengannye.

Rindu sem terakhir dengan manusia ni semua.

Aku rindu bola Oren. Dribbling. Running. Perasaan bila bukak bola. Trusting teammates. And when we've done the team good.

I miss basketball so badly.

Hajar.

assalam.

before ni aku ada personal blog yang teramatlah personal where I wrote about my ex-es, how they cheated on me, ape diorang nyanyi kat aku, what I felt when I had cold, or when my mom didn' let me do stuff like watch movies or blablabla. It was very personal but I loved it anyway because I shared it with only very close friends of mine.

But that was like 22 years ago, masih dalam zaman jahiliyyah. pemarah, emosi dan kurang sifat penyabar. bukan nak kata sekarang aku ni dah perfect. tapi, mungkin lebih baik dari yang dulu? wallahualam.

Aku janji dengan Hajar nak cerita skit pasal life aku kat sini. Don't want to make this a little too personal but ill try to relate with whats on my head for quite awhile now.

[I only have 5 minutes of writing]

So, Hajar. kau Tanya aku macam mana sekarang? Aku makin penyabar Alhamdulillah. Sini hujan almost everyday, kalau Nampak langit biru raasa gatal nak keluar sebab itu sangt jarang berlaku kat Glasgow. And um.. about what u said your stories masa aku dalam library ni.. aku terfikir. malasia ni sangat berbahaya.

Kenapa?

Sebab kat sini, aku bertudung, orang ajak aku pergi pub, aku nak pergi, nak merasa tp tudung tu menjaga aku. Dan orang mabuk2 kat sini pun mungkin hilang pertimbangan tapi mungkin ada sikit rasa segan nak kacau perempuan bertudung. Kat Malaysia, kita sendiri tau, janji kau ada label awek, kau komfem kena kacau .


Sini, orang kebanyakannya baik. Aku turun bas, cakap thank you kat bas driver sebab itu culture semua orang kat sini. Kat sini aku nyanyi lagu Hindustan kat pakcik bawah rumah aku. Dia jual nasi india macam tu tp sedap dan murah. aku akan cakap kat dia. 'me tikku'-'aku baik'. Dan dia cakap orang Malaysia baik2. wow. we must have some image to live up with.

Hajar, si gadis muar, bahasa tunggang tebalik dan rakan PPKT ku.

Dunia ni orang macam ragam. Aku belajar satu benda kat sini, buat baik kat orang biar ikhlas. Kena berani hidup, kena selalu, selalu ingat Allah. insya Allah Allah akan jaga kita. Wlau ke mana kt pergi pon. KL ke, Glasgow ke. mana2 la. janji  niat ikhlas. heh. All the best ye. jangan nangis2 aku takde k KL tu. haha.

Miss u. & fara si tua :)