ITS ALL ABOUT ME

bismillah

I am sitting, on an overused couch, one leg sprawled over the blanket, my calves cold. My clothes are unfolded, and they're on the couch, together with the pillow my friend left while sleeping here. The adapter to this laptop which is on my couch is stretched behind the sofa and is berselirat with my leg. I have, my towel, my blanket, my hair a mess and two bands on my wrist. I am also texting with a guy I might like, who's now in Malaysia and he has no idea what he's getting himself into.

I curse, because there is not coverage or wifi at my house (padahal masa kecik xde internet xd hal). I eat junkfood all the time and my weight is 54kg. I'm trying to run weekly & I run better when I'm mad. Yesterday I got into one of my fits of rage again and I ran my fastest 5k ever. I have a bad temper and I lose my marbles easily. I'm not patient and I say what I want to people I don't care about. I can be bitchy at times and when I do, it surprises people (for some reason). I always curse in my head (I think I'm just being honest with the situation) but I never curse a person.

I hate kids and kids hate me. I like babies but I can only look at them from afar. I keep on saying I can handle them because I actually care what people think of me and i want them to think of me as someone loving and warm but really, I don't know what to do or how to talk to babies and I'm not one of those girls who goes goo goo gaga over babies. I suck with babies. I mean, little stockings are cute but I'm just bad with babies.

I. Am. Forgetful. and Indecisive. and it kills me. I forget where I put my proteins are, I put them at places and I have to search the whole lab when I want it. I forget where I put my wallet, I always lose them. I used to have 3 phones when I was 19 because I kept losing it. In the cab, at the cafe, you name it. I am the flakiest person you might ever know yet I like travelling on my own and I know how much that kills my dad. Indecisive? I never get ready an hour before I'm supposed to leave because I know I'll change my clothes the last minute.

I am messy. My clothes are everywhere. It takes approximately 3 days for me to fold them after I wash them. Did I mention my clothes are everywhere? I never dress appropriately. I'm 25 and I don't dress up like other 25's. I still wear t shirt. I don't wear makeup. I don't know why girls are so obsessed with brands. I still wear my sneakers and sweaters. I ALWAYS buy sweaters and chucks. My tudung is always out of place and I couldn't care less. I KNOW i'm not beautiful and I believe in that and I am comfortable with that. I think I look cute some days but the rest, I'm just messy and I look like I've just jumped out of bed. But I love my bed hair so, I'll keep my bed-look.

I eat, like a guy. I have no table manners but I try to adopt one. My friends say I'm too gelojoh for my own good, and its a form of entertainment to watch me eat. Because when I eat, when I'm in the zone, it's just me and my food. And because of that, I'm slowly getting fat. And I don't bother to eat healthy or pick up fruits or yogurts or decrease my intake. The only reason I eat less is because I'm poor and I want to save my money. I do sometimes eat less because sometimes, the fear of becoming fat does dominate my mind.

I get bored easily. But not with things like writing or basketball. Or modelling. I have little patience and I always misunderstood the real message conveyed because I don't listen properly. I like country music and justin bieber songs. I like Simon and Garfunkel and Norah Jones and I think musicians are great. I won't marry an ustaz because they don't like me and they're too nice for me and because I swear too much. My eyes always have eye bags with them and I wish someone would read this and realize that I'm spontaneous, impulsive, and despite knowing all these faults, will sill like me