Bismillah,
Dear Hidayah A. Azmi
I guess 'I told you so' does run a little longer in our friendship. I think the first 'I told you so' went way back in 2007? 6 years ago.
But this time, study wise, I'm not really sure of your whereabouts now. How you are coping with work, studies, family and friends. And I am terribly sorry for that. Blame it on the stupid connectivity between the Scottish Empire and Malaysia.
But based on the past 10 years of knowing you, I would like to point out again (in case you forget) that you are one. Brilliant. girl. You are one of the smartest, quick-witted girl I have even known. Yes you do make some stupid decisions (we all do) and despite me telling you not to I'm glad you did those mistakes anyway because the other thing we have in common is that, we learn through experience. Its a harder, tougher road of learning things but, I guess learning through experience is the only way of learning for hot-headed, stubborn girls like us.
Smart wise, the other day, I was doing my report and I found out that the media culture I used for my cells were called RPMI. Abbreviation: (Roswell Park Memorial Institute) media. How awesome is that? And YOU used to work there as an intern, published a paper and made a poster for your study. How. Awesome. Is. That? I don't think you realize how valuable this can be and I will always think that you're too good for what you're doing now.
But anyways, life takes us where it wants us to be. Allah takes us where He wants us to be. So..whatever it is you have decided to do, you know where to find me.
Sincerely,
the-girl-with-a-poster-presentation-tomorrow (hint: doakan aku)
Liyana
Monday, 28 April 2014
Thursday, 24 April 2014
Masa muda
Bismillah.
Dulu aku boleh lari 400m, 1500m, 300m, final runner 400m, pecah rekod merentas desa sekolah, main basketball pagi, petang dan malam and sambung study sampai pukul 2pg and wake up at 5 the next morning.
Skrg lari 7 blocks dah pancit 😅. Baru lari 5km dah lapar bagai, penat semacam. Orang tua scotland lagi fit dari aku. Haha.
Oh the olden days
Kekonon nak beli kasut baru? Mimpi jela
Wednesday, 23 April 2014
tudung
bismillah
hijab, shawl, tudung bawal semua lah. semua tu overated. Ni belum masuk isu geng tudung labuh or geng free hair dsb.
Dulu masa aku kat skolah asrama, smua orang kena pakai tudung la. Its the rule. Bila keluar sekolah, baru aku tau sape member aku yang snanye pakai tudung or tak pakai tudung. At first it mattered to me. I mean, genuinely, they are my good friends, heck, we've been friends through bad and good times and I honestly just want good things for them.
Logik akal, Tuhan suruh tutup aurat so that kita jauh dari fitnah, tak mengundang pandangan liar lelaki, jin dan syaitan. Its simple pimple.
So, masa aku keluar sekolah ada kawan yang aku care, yang aku rasa boleh terima nasihat aku tegur. We got into an argument but eventually, we grew ahead of our problems and our friendship persevered.
Kawan-kawan rapat aku macam-macam rupa. Ada yang seksi baq ang, ada yang perangai kasar macam lelaki, ada yang ketua badar, ketua naqibah, ketua usrah. But the best thing about them is we all know that we want good things for each other and that we're working our way through our lives to get there.
So what is this crap about orang tudung labuh kena kawan dengan tudung labuh je? Yang free hair kekal free hair. What's up with istilah 'free hair' anyway? We don't even know where that 'free haired' person might be when she is 30 or 40. She might be in a better state than we are now. I know that for sure sebab ada seorang kawan baik aku, dulu dia tak pakai tudung. Keluarga pun tak menekankan sangat. Tapi perjalanan hidup dia yang banyak jugak liku bagai menjadikan dia seseorang yang lebih baik dari aku, today. And I start wearing hijab when I was in primary school.
Boh boh la judge people by their appearance. To both men and women. Yang perempuan asal nampak perempuan lain seksi nak condemn je. Yang laki kalau nampak perempuan seksi nak objectify perempuan tu macam dia tak ada hati & perasaan. What's up with that, seriously. Grow up.
hijab, shawl, tudung bawal semua lah. semua tu overated. Ni belum masuk isu geng tudung labuh or geng free hair dsb.
Dulu masa aku kat skolah asrama, smua orang kena pakai tudung la. Its the rule. Bila keluar sekolah, baru aku tau sape member aku yang snanye pakai tudung or tak pakai tudung. At first it mattered to me. I mean, genuinely, they are my good friends, heck, we've been friends through bad and good times and I honestly just want good things for them.
Logik akal, Tuhan suruh tutup aurat so that kita jauh dari fitnah, tak mengundang pandangan liar lelaki, jin dan syaitan. Its simple pimple.
So, masa aku keluar sekolah ada kawan yang aku care, yang aku rasa boleh terima nasihat aku tegur. We got into an argument but eventually, we grew ahead of our problems and our friendship persevered.
Kawan-kawan rapat aku macam-macam rupa. Ada yang seksi baq ang, ada yang perangai kasar macam lelaki, ada yang ketua badar, ketua naqibah, ketua usrah. But the best thing about them is we all know that we want good things for each other and that we're working our way through our lives to get there.
So what is this crap about orang tudung labuh kena kawan dengan tudung labuh je? Yang free hair kekal free hair. What's up with istilah 'free hair' anyway? We don't even know where that 'free haired' person might be when she is 30 or 40. She might be in a better state than we are now. I know that for sure sebab ada seorang kawan baik aku, dulu dia tak pakai tudung. Keluarga pun tak menekankan sangat. Tapi perjalanan hidup dia yang banyak jugak liku bagai menjadikan dia seseorang yang lebih baik dari aku, today. And I start wearing hijab when I was in primary school.
Boh boh la judge people by their appearance. To both men and women. Yang perempuan asal nampak perempuan lain seksi nak condemn je. Yang laki kalau nampak perempuan seksi nak objectify perempuan tu macam dia tak ada hati & perasaan. What's up with that, seriously. Grow up.
Thursday, 17 April 2014
checkpoint
bismillah. (dari Yana ke Yana)
Salam.
Hi Yana. How're u doing? Great? No? Tengah buat report kan? Amacam? Susah? Ala relax sudey..
Aku dulu pernah buat thesis satu malam kot. OK la xde la sampai satu malam. Tapi kau ingat tak malam tu, kauminum kopi tongkat ali kot. ke Kopi O? (Which I know you don't drink unless you really need to) pastu kau tak tido 2 hari macam tu straight sebab Dr. Aziah punye pasal.
Standet la wei. Life student. Tapi kau ingatkan? masa tu kau nangis bagai, kau ingat kau tak mampu, tapi Allah mampukan kau. Sampai la siap thesis tu.
Report ni lain? Mat Saleh? Ala. smua tu ciptaan Allah jugak. Kau ingat Dr Aziah dgn Dr Donal tu lain sangat ke standet diorang? Sama je. Semua bawah kuasa Allah. Ko rilek sudey.
huh.. aku? aku ddk je dalam diri kau ni. tengokkan keje gile kau buat smua2 tu. Elok2 cte2 kat orang, jangan mengadu lebih2 sangat. Kadang2 orang ni cepat sangat berubah. Hah kau tengok la kawan2 kau yg konon kau sayang sagat awal2 tu. Boleh pakai ke sekarang?
Sorry la aku bukan la nak negatif ke ape tapi.. kau self sufficient kot. Macam Besa cakap. Dia pecayekan kau. Najah, Feefa semua tu. Orang lain got it harder. Maybe. You don't know for sure because they didn't put their struggles on facebook and instagram. Kau pun jangan nk buat malu aku okay. Keep your struggles to yourself. Aku ade. Allah ade.
Aku snanye nak cakap kat kau, kau boleh. Report ni takde hal la. small matter je. Kau intelligent kot. Allah dah tarik kecantikan muka licin kau masa muda dulu, exchange dgn otak yang genius. Aku lebih suka macam tu. Dari kau guna gedik2 kau untuk flaky2 kosong. Guna otak kau tu. Kau pun tau kau pandai. Jangan nak gebang cakap takut isi salah la writing grammar tak betul la. Internet ada, kawan2 kat lab ada nak check. Use your resources as much as possible.
Report dh settle, hal holiday pulak.. Sekarang ni kau jangan pening pale sangat. Stay loyal to those who have treated you good and you KNOW WILL treat you good. Jangan bias. Jangan terikut sangat 'geng cool' tu. Konon cool2 tapi tak jaga kau pun. Last2 kau lari kat siapa? Allah jugak kan. Duduk dgn orang yang kau rasa ingat Allah lebih. Yang boleh jaga diri dorg, yang boleh jaga kau. Ok. sekarang aku pun dh konpius nk holiday dengan sape. tapi tu belakang cte. Allah lebih Mengetahui.
OK la. Aku jarang bagi kata2 encouragement ni. Tapi, kau macam dah panda sangat ni. Kemon Yana. Kau kuat, Memang penat kuat sorang-sorang. But be patient. Mcm AXL Rose ckp. Patience. Keep your eyes on the prize, remember life is not here. Belah sana tu. Akhirat. *tepuk belakang, peluk*
You can do it.
Salam.
Hi Yana. How're u doing? Great? No? Tengah buat report kan? Amacam? Susah? Ala relax sudey..
Aku dulu pernah buat thesis satu malam kot. OK la xde la sampai satu malam. Tapi kau ingat tak malam tu, kauminum kopi tongkat ali kot. ke Kopi O? (Which I know you don't drink unless you really need to) pastu kau tak tido 2 hari macam tu straight sebab Dr. Aziah punye pasal.
Standet la wei. Life student. Tapi kau ingatkan? masa tu kau nangis bagai, kau ingat kau tak mampu, tapi Allah mampukan kau. Sampai la siap thesis tu.
Report ni lain? Mat Saleh? Ala. smua tu ciptaan Allah jugak. Kau ingat Dr Aziah dgn Dr Donal tu lain sangat ke standet diorang? Sama je. Semua bawah kuasa Allah. Ko rilek sudey.
huh.. aku? aku ddk je dalam diri kau ni. tengokkan keje gile kau buat smua2 tu. Elok2 cte2 kat orang, jangan mengadu lebih2 sangat. Kadang2 orang ni cepat sangat berubah. Hah kau tengok la kawan2 kau yg konon kau sayang sagat awal2 tu. Boleh pakai ke sekarang?
Sorry la aku bukan la nak negatif ke ape tapi.. kau self sufficient kot. Macam Besa cakap. Dia pecayekan kau. Najah, Feefa semua tu. Orang lain got it harder. Maybe. You don't know for sure because they didn't put their struggles on facebook and instagram. Kau pun jangan nk buat malu aku okay. Keep your struggles to yourself. Aku ade. Allah ade.
Aku snanye nak cakap kat kau, kau boleh. Report ni takde hal la. small matter je. Kau intelligent kot. Allah dah tarik kecantikan muka licin kau masa muda dulu, exchange dgn otak yang genius. Aku lebih suka macam tu. Dari kau guna gedik2 kau untuk flaky2 kosong. Guna otak kau tu. Kau pun tau kau pandai. Jangan nak gebang cakap takut isi salah la writing grammar tak betul la. Internet ada, kawan2 kat lab ada nak check. Use your resources as much as possible.
Report dh settle, hal holiday pulak.. Sekarang ni kau jangan pening pale sangat. Stay loyal to those who have treated you good and you KNOW WILL treat you good. Jangan bias. Jangan terikut sangat 'geng cool' tu. Konon cool2 tapi tak jaga kau pun. Last2 kau lari kat siapa? Allah jugak kan. Duduk dgn orang yang kau rasa ingat Allah lebih. Yang boleh jaga diri dorg, yang boleh jaga kau. Ok. sekarang aku pun dh konpius nk holiday dengan sape. tapi tu belakang cte. Allah lebih Mengetahui.
OK la. Aku jarang bagi kata2 encouragement ni. Tapi, kau macam dah panda sangat ni. Kemon Yana. Kau kuat, Memang penat kuat sorang-sorang. But be patient. Mcm AXL Rose ckp. Patience. Keep your eyes on the prize, remember life is not here. Belah sana tu. Akhirat. *tepuk belakang, peluk*
You can do it.
Saturday, 12 April 2014
Inverness
bismillah,
I can't get Inverness out of my head.
I'm back home, I need to finish my poster, write up my report, REALLY start working again. But Inverness was so nice! It was the most beautiful town I even been to in my entire life. According to me-lah.
It's this this beautiful small quaint and calm village at the north end of Scotland, like Fisherman Village in FF8. It's so close to the north pole already and nights come in as late as 830 pm in Spring. The River Ness, runs into the moray firth sea, where in summer, there are sightings of dolphins and whales. I really wanted to go there but it would be kind of pointless if I would just ride the boat and see nothing.
The city was small and you can just go just about everywhere by foot. There's shops just enough so you wont overspend, but keep you busy enough. And the houses are just next door to the castle and the river. And in Spring, daffodils are at full bloom all by the river which flows at a good pace, just to give you that lively breezy feeling. It's windy, but just the right speed. And be rain or shine, you can see families strolling around with their kids and dogs. It's a nice and quiet village.
I walked through the cemetery, and it was the nicest cemetary I'd ever been to. Ann asked me to go. It felt kinda calm though. I think it's probably beause of the blooming blossom trees. And the sun and rainbow and rain altogether.
I didn't enjoy my company though, they kinda bothered me to a certain extent, making dirty stupid jokes I couldnt relate to most of the journey. I did owe the whole journey to them though. If it wasn't for them I knew I might not get the chance to enjoy the road trip, appreciating the A9 highway of Scotland. But just because this one person made me so uncomfortable, I spent most of my time pretending I didn't exist which was kinda sad but I swear, the beauty of Inverness, Fort Augustus and Loch Ness was breathtaking. Glen Affric was just as nice too but I guess it got too cold by then, with the rain and me wearing the wrong clothes (all the time).
Nairn is a nearby village by the beach , 20 minutes from Inverness. There are castles and forts along the way, with yellow daffodils stretching alongside the highway, escorting the cars all the way from Inverness to the village itself. And as you enter Nairn, the road gives you away to the east side of the Nairn beach. As you step down the car, the white sand (yes white sand!) blows through your feet (because it was that windy) and the sea, was deep, deep blue. Like a midnight sky with a bright moon and the waves, coming in gentle and white. There were two huge red cargo ships just to give a sailory atmosphere and across the sea, is the northern island of Scotland, with steep cliffs, which looked like clean cut rocks, shaped my erosion from the sea many many years ago. So it's not that typical sea-horizon look you get every time you go to the beach.
I just can't get these out of my head. if there is anything I'd love more, I'd say its the sea. I'll always, always be in love with the sea. So much to the point it overshadowed the kind of conversation I had along the journey. Maybe that was because I just wanted to forget it.. But I'll say. It was so beautiful, I can't put it into words or pictures. Just at the back of my head.
It's just so beautiful.
I can't get Inverness out of my head.
I'm back home, I need to finish my poster, write up my report, REALLY start working again. But Inverness was so nice! It was the most beautiful town I even been to in my entire life. According to me-lah.
It's this this beautiful small quaint and calm village at the north end of Scotland, like Fisherman Village in FF8. It's so close to the north pole already and nights come in as late as 830 pm in Spring. The River Ness, runs into the moray firth sea, where in summer, there are sightings of dolphins and whales. I really wanted to go there but it would be kind of pointless if I would just ride the boat and see nothing.
The city was small and you can just go just about everywhere by foot. There's shops just enough so you wont overspend, but keep you busy enough. And the houses are just next door to the castle and the river. And in Spring, daffodils are at full bloom all by the river which flows at a good pace, just to give you that lively breezy feeling. It's windy, but just the right speed. And be rain or shine, you can see families strolling around with their kids and dogs. It's a nice and quiet village.
I walked through the cemetery, and it was the nicest cemetary I'd ever been to. Ann asked me to go. It felt kinda calm though. I think it's probably beause of the blooming blossom trees. And the sun and rainbow and rain altogether.
I didn't enjoy my company though, they kinda bothered me to a certain extent, making dirty stupid jokes I couldnt relate to most of the journey. I did owe the whole journey to them though. If it wasn't for them I knew I might not get the chance to enjoy the road trip, appreciating the A9 highway of Scotland. But just because this one person made me so uncomfortable, I spent most of my time pretending I didn't exist which was kinda sad but I swear, the beauty of Inverness, Fort Augustus and Loch Ness was breathtaking. Glen Affric was just as nice too but I guess it got too cold by then, with the rain and me wearing the wrong clothes (all the time).
Nairn is a nearby village by the beach , 20 minutes from Inverness. There are castles and forts along the way, with yellow daffodils stretching alongside the highway, escorting the cars all the way from Inverness to the village itself. And as you enter Nairn, the road gives you away to the east side of the Nairn beach. As you step down the car, the white sand (yes white sand!) blows through your feet (because it was that windy) and the sea, was deep, deep blue. Like a midnight sky with a bright moon and the waves, coming in gentle and white. There were two huge red cargo ships just to give a sailory atmosphere and across the sea, is the northern island of Scotland, with steep cliffs, which looked like clean cut rocks, shaped my erosion from the sea many many years ago. So it's not that typical sea-horizon look you get every time you go to the beach.
I just can't get these out of my head. if there is anything I'd love more, I'd say its the sea. I'll always, always be in love with the sea. So much to the point it overshadowed the kind of conversation I had along the journey. Maybe that was because I just wanted to forget it.. But I'll say. It was so beautiful, I can't put it into words or pictures. Just at the back of my head.
Sunday, 6 April 2014
Hidayah A. Azmi 2
Bismillah,
Dear Besa,
You make me believe in the power of friendship! Mantap!
Thank you so much for the reply. It's kinda stupid we're replying via blogging like its for all the world to see. But I just felt obliged to return the favor.
Whenever someone treats me nicely, or just blow my heart away, i just go speechless, I always question my deeds or what did I do that made me deserve this. Allah Maha Kaya. It's funny because I just want to say thank you for your priceless reply, suntikan semangat and such, but I'm speechless.
To be honest, this year, is by far the year where I have the most people expressing their believe in me, their confidence, their willingness to trust in my capabilities and my worth. You're one of that people.
I miss our stupid times together too. The stupid car rides, my stupid tears and yours. Remember I cried in the car pasal Muze and I called you? That was an epic moment. I don't however miss my money going down the drain because of our clothes bought that we didn't wear though. Lol. But I do miss heading down Bangsar to curb your Bangsar fetish. I miss how you always ask me for advice but never do it lol. I miss telling you "I told you so". I miss being crappy with you.
But I would also like to tell you that, I'm now okay. And that, I'm back into my religious mood-bla-bla-bla (aku bukanlah baik sangat but we both know we're heading there slowly). And I would like to say that, I underestimated the power of Doa, and that.. I just need to be patient.
I know we're both heading very different lives and it just could be that we're diverging more as we progress through life. I may not always be with you or be there for you like before. But aku pernah dengar pepatah, jangan simpan orang dalam hati sebab hati tu sempit. Simpan orang tu dalam doa sebab doa tu seluas langit. Something macam tu la. I don't need to tell you but you know that you, and the rest of our stupid and crazy friends are always in my prayers.
I hate being mushy too but this was an exception. Thank you for your awesome reply. No words can describe how much it meant and helped me get up and just set my mood on fire to do the things I should be doing. Oh and anyway, kau tau kan yang aku believe in your potential jugak. And I think you're just as brilliant, if not more than I am lol. Malaysia is sort of.. limiting your talent ;) But like I said, sometime in the future, I'll be saying to you, "I told you so"
Love you always, in times of joy and hardships. I won't be there for you always, but I pray Allah will.
p/s: Lega Maiman ada utk kau. In some ways. lol
Dear Besa,
You make me believe in the power of friendship! Mantap!
Thank you so much for the reply. It's kinda stupid we're replying via blogging like its for all the world to see. But I just felt obliged to return the favor.
Whenever someone treats me nicely, or just blow my heart away, i just go speechless, I always question my deeds or what did I do that made me deserve this. Allah Maha Kaya. It's funny because I just want to say thank you for your priceless reply, suntikan semangat and such, but I'm speechless.
To be honest, this year, is by far the year where I have the most people expressing their believe in me, their confidence, their willingness to trust in my capabilities and my worth. You're one of that people.
I miss our stupid times together too. The stupid car rides, my stupid tears and yours. Remember I cried in the car pasal Muze and I called you? That was an epic moment. I don't however miss my money going down the drain because of our clothes bought that we didn't wear though. Lol. But I do miss heading down Bangsar to curb your Bangsar fetish. I miss how you always ask me for advice but never do it lol. I miss telling you "I told you so". I miss being crappy with you.
But I would also like to tell you that, I'm now okay. And that, I'm back into my religious mood-bla-bla-bla (aku bukanlah baik sangat but we both know we're heading there slowly). And I would like to say that, I underestimated the power of Doa, and that.. I just need to be patient.
I know we're both heading very different lives and it just could be that we're diverging more as we progress through life. I may not always be with you or be there for you like before. But aku pernah dengar pepatah, jangan simpan orang dalam hati sebab hati tu sempit. Simpan orang tu dalam doa sebab doa tu seluas langit. Something macam tu la. I don't need to tell you but you know that you, and the rest of our stupid and crazy friends are always in my prayers.
I hate being mushy too but this was an exception. Thank you for your awesome reply. No words can describe how much it meant and helped me get up and just set my mood on fire to do the things I should be doing. Oh and anyway, kau tau kan yang aku believe in your potential jugak. And I think you're just as brilliant, if not more than I am lol. Malaysia is sort of.. limiting your talent ;) But like I said, sometime in the future, I'll be saying to you, "I told you so"
Love you always, in times of joy and hardships. I won't be there for you always, but I pray Allah will.
p/s: Lega Maiman ada utk kau. In some ways. lol
Thursday, 3 April 2014
Hidayah A. Azmi
Bismillah. I am sorry.
Dear Besa,
I would imagine that I'm writing a handwritten letter to you but it takes so long to get to you and I think if I were to do that I'd probably won't write this (hich is a good thing and you'll know why).
Again, I promise you, brutal honesty in words and in content.
You are my bitchy friend. And that is both a good and a bad thing. Good in a sense, that I am not an angel or one of those girls who wears perfectly long clothes like we are supposed to wear, and polite ans a feather, soft as the breeze. I still swear, I swear a lot, I fall in love easily and hard and I hate my heart. And I am thankful, forever thankful and Alhamdulillah for a friend like you although you're now busy with work, your bf, masters and so many other Malaysian things. Which I understand completely.
For now, I'm immersing myself with work just so I don't get sad. Because, I think I'm falling for someone again.
God I hate my heart.
I swear so many times that I've prayed that Allah would just take it away or just kill my love for the world and everything in it.
And this person I'm falling for, I swear this will be the ONLY time I'm writing about it.
We used to be great friends. Like, I've never met a guy that caring or genuine or original in my entire life. And we have so much in common. And we share our music. Our money, and our secrets. And it seems sometimes, I could go the distance. Forget some people and focus on my life here. Everything seemed alright and so.. carefree with him around. Like I have my second best friend.
But I came back from London one day, and everything changed. He just sort of, distanced himself away from me. I tried harder, to be cool or whatever it was I was like before I went to London, and I felt like I'm not being myself. So, I hated it, and stopped trying.
And I distanced myself. And prayed. And prayed hard.
By now, I'm still sad because this time, I feel like I'm losing a friend, rather than just erasing a stupid crush I once had. And you, Besa, yes you; are hundreds of miles away and I used to bitch about things to you everytime something crappy comes up and honestly, you don't really give me the best advice but you, accept me when I swear and curse.
And I need that, because I'm just that.
It's sort of bad that I need you to hear me curse but a part of me feels better after cursing to you, like you really know what I feel like saying but I think I've been patient for so long, I know what I should have done is pray, and said astaghfirullah, and start posting something really religious like I always do.
I mean, I believe in what I post but now, this.. Is just on the brim of my patience and I think I'm about to break up.
I absolutely hate it when I have guy problems. I feel sick, stupid and really flaky. And God, I swear, I have a good and intelligent brain and I'm not gonna let some stupid guy problem turn me into a hopeless romantic. But I swear it's just fucking hard sometimes. Being strong all the time.
I did ask you to read this. Thank you for your time. And if you want to be as equally sweet as I am, write something up. I don't care if it sounds stupid but I want you to know it will make me feel a whole lot better.
Million-miles-away, genuine and busy, secretly wishing and forever believing in the power of prayers,
Liyana Azmi
Dear Besa,
I would imagine that I'm writing a handwritten letter to you but it takes so long to get to you and I think if I were to do that I'd probably won't write this (hich is a good thing and you'll know why).
Again, I promise you, brutal honesty in words and in content.
You are my bitchy friend. And that is both a good and a bad thing. Good in a sense, that I am not an angel or one of those girls who wears perfectly long clothes like we are supposed to wear, and polite ans a feather, soft as the breeze. I still swear, I swear a lot, I fall in love easily and hard and I hate my heart. And I am thankful, forever thankful and Alhamdulillah for a friend like you although you're now busy with work, your bf, masters and so many other Malaysian things. Which I understand completely.
For now, I'm immersing myself with work just so I don't get sad. Because, I think I'm falling for someone again.
God I hate my heart.
I swear so many times that I've prayed that Allah would just take it away or just kill my love for the world and everything in it.
And this person I'm falling for, I swear this will be the ONLY time I'm writing about it.
We used to be great friends. Like, I've never met a guy that caring or genuine or original in my entire life. And we have so much in common. And we share our music. Our money, and our secrets. And it seems sometimes, I could go the distance. Forget some people and focus on my life here. Everything seemed alright and so.. carefree with him around. Like I have my second best friend.
But I came back from London one day, and everything changed. He just sort of, distanced himself away from me. I tried harder, to be cool or whatever it was I was like before I went to London, and I felt like I'm not being myself. So, I hated it, and stopped trying.
And I distanced myself. And prayed. And prayed hard.
By now, I'm still sad because this time, I feel like I'm losing a friend, rather than just erasing a stupid crush I once had. And you, Besa, yes you; are hundreds of miles away and I used to bitch about things to you everytime something crappy comes up and honestly, you don't really give me the best advice but you, accept me when I swear and curse.
And I need that, because I'm just that.
It's sort of bad that I need you to hear me curse but a part of me feels better after cursing to you, like you really know what I feel like saying but I think I've been patient for so long, I know what I should have done is pray, and said astaghfirullah, and start posting something really religious like I always do.
I mean, I believe in what I post but now, this.. Is just on the brim of my patience and I think I'm about to break up.
I absolutely hate it when I have guy problems. I feel sick, stupid and really flaky. And God, I swear, I have a good and intelligent brain and I'm not gonna let some stupid guy problem turn me into a hopeless romantic. But I swear it's just fucking hard sometimes. Being strong all the time.
I did ask you to read this. Thank you for your time. And if you want to be as equally sweet as I am, write something up. I don't care if it sounds stupid but I want you to know it will make me feel a whole lot better.
Million-miles-away, genuine and busy, secretly wishing and forever believing in the power of prayers,
Liyana Azmi
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