Bismillah.
Its kinda biased and funny that I put a 'Najah 1' for the title but it's only befitting because she gives first-class advice and aku suka quote dia. Im now in her room, she's praying Maghrib and a wave of realization hits me; I might not have this chance of having a sleepover this long and this girly ever again.
What I wanted to write about, (before I forget) was about our conversation last night. I was on her bed, with my 'A Darkening of the Heart' Scottish book, and she was doing preps on her mock up exams tomorrow. And I asked her,
"Najah, did anybody ever tell you out of the blue, that you're beautiful?"
"Apebende soalan kau tanya ni?"
"It's just a question". Cheeky smile.
Najah, began to do this super gedik spins on her chair, put up a wistful smile and told me,
"there's this one time, in a hospital, I introduced myself to a patient, the patient tu look at her best friend (anak or something aku lupa) and she told me you're pretty. And aku dumbfounded but it made me so happy"
And she told me some other important things as well. Some of the things I remembered was.. *I'm sorry if this seems like injustice to your original words but I'll try remembering it properly, to the last detail*
"Beauty tu.. when you think of it, it is kind of unfair that some people lahir dah cantik, some people lahir rupa lain-lain. But bila aku fikir balik, I'm thankful that I'm not THAT pretty sebab, nanti aku tak tahu sejauh mana orang ikhlas dengan aku.
Orang layan aku baik sebab rupa ke sebab personality aku.
Cantik rupa orang boleh pertikaikan. Tapi Yana, cantk hati, tak ada orang boleh pertikaikan. It's something you have to build, put up a constant fight with. Bukan senang nak cantikkan hati. Sebab tu aku post yang 'Be so beautiful that hearts can't take their eyes of you'.
Aku rasa especially orang melayu, dengan sopan dia, senang nak amek hati orang lain. Senang je nak buat orang suka kat kau. Kau polite je. Nanti orang lain pun polite kat kau.
Tapi Yana, sometimes, in life, kau buat baik kat orang, tak semestinya orang buat baik kat kau. So then, whatever will you do? Mesti bengang kan. So, kau setkan hati kau, buat baik sebab Allah. Then in a way, kau buat baik kat orang bukan sebab orang tu. Sebab Allah. Kalau orang tu layan kau tak bagus pun takpe sebab, kau tau niat asal kau sebab Allah.
But it is not easy and whenever kau rasa nak buat baik, kau takut riak ke ape, just put that thought away and just do it. Lama-lama insya Allah Allah padamkan rasa riak tu. "
Okay kalau Najah baca ni memang dah bias dah conversation ni because bab riak tu was something we talked about earlier on the train. Sorry Jah haha.
Najah smiled, her half closed sleepy eyes.
"Allah tu fair. Dia tak pandang pun rupa yang cantik. Dia pandang hati yang cantik. That comforts me so much. Aku tak payah risau2 rupa aku sebab Allah tak pandang pun."
We went quiet for awhile. Both of us in our private thoughts. Me and my realizations,the things she thought me, and Najah, smiling, looking up, *reminiscing maybe* and faced her laptop and continued her work. Just like that. I picked up my book, and continued my reading and smiled.
So this is just ONE advice from her. There might be more to come. She's my Malaysian Yasmin Mogahed so bear with me.
Thursday, 28 November 2013
Sunday, 24 November 2013
weekend; Sunday
Bismillah.
Okay blog ni dah jadi macam mini diary but I know I don't have many readers hence, the personal-drama-daily writes.
Alhamdulillah, I woke up, sober and steady on a Sunday morning around 10.30 am. Just the right time for a sleep-in-Sunday experience. Last night was a wreck with one of the most annoying situations I've ever been in and it took all my Saturday happiness.
A recap of my weekend, Friday night was a long night. Fyruz finished her project. Got good reviews by her lecturers despite her teammates being amazingly selfish. We stopped by Shamim's, picked him up and Zaim for coffee. Sedap jugak la session mengopi malam tu. Dapat la dalam 2 jam jugak. As the saying goes..
Okay blog ni dah jadi macam mini diary but I know I don't have many readers hence, the personal-drama-daily writes.
Alhamdulillah, I woke up, sober and steady on a Sunday morning around 10.30 am. Just the right time for a sleep-in-Sunday experience. Last night was a wreck with one of the most annoying situations I've ever been in and it took all my Saturday happiness.
A recap of my weekend, Friday night was a long night. Fyruz finished her project. Got good reviews by her lecturers despite her teammates being amazingly selfish. We stopped by Shamim's, picked him up and Zaim for coffee. Sedap jugak la session mengopi malam tu. Dapat la dalam 2 jam jugak. As the saying goes..
'There's nothing more erotic than a good conversation'
So, lepas tu we went to hard rock cafe, Glasgow. Problem jugak awal-awal tu nak masuk. Kena juga tnggu lencai kita, Ihsan Alias datang and negotiate with the guard outside the cafe. Haha. He has this thing with words and making his way around people. We used to make jokes around him, saying things like, "siape tak kenal Ihsan??" "dose tak kenal Ihsan. Hahaha" THAT'S how important he is in the Glasgow community whatever. He's just been here for 3-4 months but almost everyone knows him. And he's a great guy. Logical, and sensible.
Hard rock was.. funny. So we ordered this fusion of fruit juices that was super duper fused and honestly I don't know what else they put into the juice but I'm pretty sure we didn't have beer or wine or alcohol in it but we went out of the cafe and almost everyone had stomach aches. But anyway, the music was GREAT despite only playing vids from olden days but it was mostly Nirvana, Aerosmith, The Foo fighters, Guns n Roses, you get the idea.
So we went back, had some jam session, covered Wonderful Tonight by Eric Clapton, sent the video to my brother, (said it was good) and slept at 5 am.
The next morning, went to Polmadie, got a keyboard stand for 5 pounds, saw Guitar Hero set for 15 pounds, had FREE nasi lemak kat rumah abang achap. His wife was a good cook. We literally had 3 plates of nasi lemak and the coffee was like, kopi Malaysia yang pakai susu pekat tu. I think I had about 3,4 cups.
Went back, another jam session until we wore ourselves out, had this unbelievable glitch with flights and separated. My night was practically ruined by this stupid flight thingy, and I slept.
What I originally wanted to write was about my feelings this morning. I woke up, on a foggy Sunday morning, realized I can play the piano for all I care, figure out songs, compose, read my books and go explore places and stuff. So I just lied in my bed, listen to music and it was the best Sunday morning experience so far.
Watched My best friend's wedding for the upteenth time, had a huge bowl of cereal and now, I'm writing. And suddenly when I'm about to finish, I just don't feel like getting up and this lazy atmosphere is overwhelming, it's Zohor already and I have to pray. Haha. Alhamdulillah for this lazy sober afternoon. I think I'm gonna be sleepy all day :)
Saturday, 23 November 2013
independance
Bismillah
I'm cursing and trying my hardest to istighfar at the same time. That's just me. And while I'm simultaneously finding tickets from Milan back to UK, I know somehow im in deep shit. Sebab semua flight full. And I'm stuck with this group of people who expects me to do ALL the work, find tickets hotels blablabla, plan the trip for them. And I'm like, what the heck? But I have this dream of travelling the world, seeing places I haven't been to before I get married to some guy or get confined to work and some whatever or future.
*future might be great and happy but I just want to see the world while I can*
SO.
Aku tengah mencanak cari flight ni. And this person *yang segroup dengan aku nak travel ni* came up to me and asked. Everything okay so far? ade problem tak? And I'm like replying in a I'm-too'busy-too-reply manner but I replied anyway I said no flights and semua tu and she said like somekind of..
*oh bummer. ramai orang naik flight*
HELLO? YOU'RE NOT HELPING
this stupid princess whom I have to handle. I really don't get it. Okay ini soal rezeki that they get to study abroad but SOME. PEOPLE. ARE. JUST. TOO. DEPENDENT. AND. ILLOGICAL.
you have to be independent to some degree. Please. THIS IS NOT MALAYSIA. THIS IS NOT SOME PLACE WHERE YOU HAVE YOUR PARENTS WHO CAN TAKE CARE OF YOU. okaay fine yang ada pakwe nak bergantung kat pakwe tu I have no problem. That's totally up to you guys. BUT YOU ARE FREAKING 22+ FOR GOD SAKES.
Dahla pergi pakai duit rakyat. Make good use of yourself please. GROW UP. Ni bukan undergraduate lagi. Your entering 25. A quarter of a century. Aku sedih duit rakyat pergi kat orang macam ni.
One of the other messages is, I need anger management. I have to stop swearing. Or lessen it to some degree. Ugh. Why orang macam ni exists?
I'm cursing and trying my hardest to istighfar at the same time. That's just me. And while I'm simultaneously finding tickets from Milan back to UK, I know somehow im in deep shit. Sebab semua flight full. And I'm stuck with this group of people who expects me to do ALL the work, find tickets hotels blablabla, plan the trip for them. And I'm like, what the heck? But I have this dream of travelling the world, seeing places I haven't been to before I get married to some guy or get confined to work and some whatever or future.
*future might be great and happy but I just want to see the world while I can*
SO.
Aku tengah mencanak cari flight ni. And this person *yang segroup dengan aku nak travel ni* came up to me and asked. Everything okay so far? ade problem tak? And I'm like replying in a I'm-too'busy-too-reply manner but I replied anyway I said no flights and semua tu and she said like somekind of..
*oh bummer. ramai orang naik flight*
HELLO? YOU'RE NOT HELPING
this stupid princess whom I have to handle. I really don't get it. Okay ini soal rezeki that they get to study abroad but SOME. PEOPLE. ARE. JUST. TOO. DEPENDENT. AND. ILLOGICAL.
you have to be independent to some degree. Please. THIS IS NOT MALAYSIA. THIS IS NOT SOME PLACE WHERE YOU HAVE YOUR PARENTS WHO CAN TAKE CARE OF YOU. okaay fine yang ada pakwe nak bergantung kat pakwe tu I have no problem. That's totally up to you guys. BUT YOU ARE FREAKING 22+ FOR GOD SAKES.
Dahla pergi pakai duit rakyat. Make good use of yourself please. GROW UP. Ni bukan undergraduate lagi. Your entering 25. A quarter of a century. Aku sedih duit rakyat pergi kat orang macam ni.
One of the other messages is, I need anger management. I have to stop swearing. Or lessen it to some degree. Ugh. Why orang macam ni exists?
Tuesday, 19 November 2013
risalah hati
Bismillah
Asal usul manusia semua nak kebaikan, mengharapkan yang baik, nak jadi orang yang baik. Tapi nafsu manusia yang selalu inginkan bende best, mungkin di mata kita benda tu best, tapi hakikatnya, in a long term goal, tak semestinya baik. I'm being strangely vague here but in the future, when I read this, I will relate.
Asalu usulnya, sejujur-jujurnya, aku nak jadi manusia yang baik. Aku cuba. I mean, really tried. I don't know how hard or if I'm trying hard enough. Dulu aku takla sebaik sekarang. Masa silam aku is not something I am proud of. It's sort of like a black hole, something I want to forget. Something I erase from my head if I happen to remember or have flashbacks. Sometimes, I hate my past. Sometimes I'm grateful for having one so that I change in the future.
Change, is something hard to do. People say, you only change; or you are forced to change when you hit rock-bottom. When you have nothing else in your life, or you FEEL like you are so empty, and down, you resort to change. You finally seek Allah. Its a shame really. To seek Allah only in times of hardships. But at least, sedar diri jugak nak cari Allah.
I'm one of those.
Masa silam aku, gives me nightmares. I hate my past. And sebab masa silam aku, I feel like I'm never good enough for certain things now. Sometimes, bila aku terfikir, aku ada keluarga yang baik, kawan-kawan yang baik, supportive semua tu, ada otak yang boleh pakai, aku rasa macam, layak ke aku dapat semua ni. And aku paling benci bila aku LUPA perasaan 'tak layak' tu. Sebab nanti aku lupa diri.
Asal usul aku, seorang perempuan yang gedik. MAK aku pun kata aku lahir gedik. But that's okay. That just means I'm gay and happy. But I hate it when I get carried away, sampai lupa diri. SUSAH nak kawal diri bila tengah prime high. Mungkin ini punca dosa-dosa aku. Aku benci benci bila orang tegur aku sebab aku gedik. Ini maksudnya aku lupa diri. And I hate it when I do.
Fitrah aku, kalau tengok perempuan pakai tudung labuh, sentiasa senyum manis, tak judgemental macam Adilah ke, Wani ke, hati aku sejuk. Aku nak jadi macam diorang. Jujur.
Fitrah aku, bila aku tengok perempuan macam ni, cool jer, aku rasa iri hati. Kenapa aku tak setenang tu? Kenapa aku teruk? Kenapa aku kena ada history yang bangang, perangai selebet, cincai buncai macam ni? Kenapa aku cemar dengan masa silam aku. *untuk kali ke berapa, aku benci masa silam aku*
Nak pendekkan cerita, aku nak jadi baik tapi susah. Rasa macam kadang-kadang, tertutup peluang. Walaupun aku tek pernah putus mendoakan that one fine day, I'll reach that stage.
Ni, senang sangat kaah dengan dugaan or godaan yang entah ape-ape. Bende-bende lagha. Susah gile nak berubah beb. Wallahualam. Bahasa masih rempit, ada hati nak berubah.
Fitrah aku memang macam ni. Akulah perempuan yang selebet, main basketball/gitar/piano cincai-cincai, pakai Converse bunga-bunga, tudung kedut-kedut, makan banyak dan inginkan ketenangan. Aku takdela nak cerita solat aku takat mana tapi.. wallahualam, aku sedih kadang-kadang, aku kalah dengan semua lagha-lagha ni, it reminds me of my previous self, masa silam aku yang hitam-hitam tu dulu.
Aku rasa tak layak untuk cinta yang baik. Keluarga yang baik. Tapi Allah bagi jugak. Sayangnya Tuhan kat aku. Tapi aku tetap,tetap tetap lupa kat Dia. Bodohnya aku.
Asal usul manusia semua nak kebaikan, mengharapkan yang baik, nak jadi orang yang baik. Tapi nafsu manusia yang selalu inginkan bende best, mungkin di mata kita benda tu best, tapi hakikatnya, in a long term goal, tak semestinya baik. I'm being strangely vague here but in the future, when I read this, I will relate.
Asalu usulnya, sejujur-jujurnya, aku nak jadi manusia yang baik. Aku cuba. I mean, really tried. I don't know how hard or if I'm trying hard enough. Dulu aku takla sebaik sekarang. Masa silam aku is not something I am proud of. It's sort of like a black hole, something I want to forget. Something I erase from my head if I happen to remember or have flashbacks. Sometimes, I hate my past. Sometimes I'm grateful for having one so that I change in the future.
Change, is something hard to do. People say, you only change; or you are forced to change when you hit rock-bottom. When you have nothing else in your life, or you FEEL like you are so empty, and down, you resort to change. You finally seek Allah. Its a shame really. To seek Allah only in times of hardships. But at least, sedar diri jugak nak cari Allah.
I'm one of those.
Masa silam aku, gives me nightmares. I hate my past. And sebab masa silam aku, I feel like I'm never good enough for certain things now. Sometimes, bila aku terfikir, aku ada keluarga yang baik, kawan-kawan yang baik, supportive semua tu, ada otak yang boleh pakai, aku rasa macam, layak ke aku dapat semua ni. And aku paling benci bila aku LUPA perasaan 'tak layak' tu. Sebab nanti aku lupa diri.
Asal usul aku, seorang perempuan yang gedik. MAK aku pun kata aku lahir gedik. But that's okay. That just means I'm gay and happy. But I hate it when I get carried away, sampai lupa diri. SUSAH nak kawal diri bila tengah prime high. Mungkin ini punca dosa-dosa aku. Aku benci benci bila orang tegur aku sebab aku gedik. Ini maksudnya aku lupa diri. And I hate it when I do.
Fitrah aku, kalau tengok perempuan pakai tudung labuh, sentiasa senyum manis, tak judgemental macam Adilah ke, Wani ke, hati aku sejuk. Aku nak jadi macam diorang. Jujur.
Fitrah aku, bila aku tengok perempuan macam ni, cool jer, aku rasa iri hati. Kenapa aku tak setenang tu? Kenapa aku teruk? Kenapa aku kena ada history yang bangang, perangai selebet, cincai buncai macam ni? Kenapa aku cemar dengan masa silam aku. *untuk kali ke berapa, aku benci masa silam aku*
Nak pendekkan cerita, aku nak jadi baik tapi susah. Rasa macam kadang-kadang, tertutup peluang. Walaupun aku tek pernah putus mendoakan that one fine day, I'll reach that stage.
Ni, senang sangat kaah dengan dugaan or godaan yang entah ape-ape. Bende-bende lagha. Susah gile nak berubah beb. Wallahualam. Bahasa masih rempit, ada hati nak berubah.
Fitrah aku memang macam ni. Akulah perempuan yang selebet, main basketball/gitar/piano cincai-cincai, pakai Converse bunga-bunga, tudung kedut-kedut, makan banyak dan inginkan ketenangan. Aku takdela nak cerita solat aku takat mana tapi.. wallahualam, aku sedih kadang-kadang, aku kalah dengan semua lagha-lagha ni, it reminds me of my previous self, masa silam aku yang hitam-hitam tu dulu.
Aku rasa tak layak untuk cinta yang baik. Keluarga yang baik. Tapi Allah bagi jugak. Sayangnya Tuhan kat aku. Tapi aku tetap,tetap tetap lupa kat Dia. Bodohnya aku.
Saturday, 16 November 2013
peppy wishlist
Bismillah
Argh dah naik muak study macam ni! Ye aku tahu mengaji itu kena ikhlas! Aku ikhlas tapi banyak complain? Macam mana tu. Aku benci exam. Why? Exam tu menjadikan aku seorang yang tak ikhlas. I would have read this for interest, solely interest. But noooo, I HAVE to read this because of exam.
And sementara aku baca semua notes ni, aku dok pikiaq tangok la angpa lepas aku exam 18hb November ni, that freaky 1pm after our paper, Imma gonna:
Argh dah naik muak study macam ni! Ye aku tahu mengaji itu kena ikhlas! Aku ikhlas tapi banyak complain? Macam mana tu. Aku benci exam. Why? Exam tu menjadikan aku seorang yang tak ikhlas. I would have read this for interest, solely interest. But noooo, I HAVE to read this because of exam.
And sementara aku baca semua notes ni, aku dok pikiaq tangok la angpa lepas aku exam 18hb November ni, that freaky 1pm after our paper, Imma gonna:
- Play piano. Mantapkan Blue Fields
Jam. Main guitarRUN. At Kelvinbridge park. And other parks if possible.(yang ni memang x possible)Usha keyboardBeli notebook yang ada garis2 untuk compose music. Yes. FINALLY.- Read my books at some coffee place under the sun. Or rain. Doesn't matter. And konon-konon feeling cam matsaleh.
Explore West EndExplore Govanhill(NOT during wintertime)(Accomplished HELLO.)Make a video of Glasgow city at night. Sara Bareilles as the background music.Make a video of my bus rides. Tal Bachman as the background music.Wear pretty clothes, dress up all girly and have dinner at Jamie's. And buy Kooks CD for Fairuz AND mintak Shamim baca doa untuk Fairuz. *jangan lupa*
OK. Ni list wajib.
Now. PEP talk.
YOU ARE GONNA STUDY.
BAK KATA DAYAH AZMI 'STUDY SAMPAI MUNTAH'
TINGGAL 2 HARI LAGI.
YOU WILL ENJOY LIFE AS IT IS AFTER 1PM ON MONDAY 18TH NOVEMBER.
YOU CAN DO THIS.
YOU CAME HERE FOR THIS.
YOU ARE NOT HERE TO BLABLABLA.
GET THAT DAMN GRADES AND PROVE YOU'RE WORTH THEIR INVESTMENTS
investments.
No one wants to invest in me, except my parents.
No one trusts in my capabilities, except my parents.
I'll show them.
Thursday, 14 November 2013
Study Week
Bismillah.
When I wrote this. I just realized, this could be very well may be, the last exam I could ever sit for. Lepas ni memang buat researches, projects, Vivas and poster presentations. But it's Thursday, almost a week since I've been screwing my brain sumbat-sumbat-sumbat sampai lewat malam and on the 4th day of sumbat exercises, aku penat.
I'm sleepy, my eyes are scrawny and filled with eyebags, and my tudung is sloppy *although I do think I look pretty today* but at the 5th or 6th hour in the library, yang rupa sikit macam dungeon canggih *andersonian library* I DONT CARE anymore. I might as well be the sloppiest, most selebet, unattractive looking student on the planet.
Topics covered? Plasmodium.. well, now I'm reading on plasmodium, while this guy behind me has been literally stomping on his keyboards all day. Dah la Plasmodium ni tak difahami. I'm like looking at this parasite, which looks like a tear, and I'm like.
what the heck plasmodium. falciparum ke malaria ke. what. the. heck? I mean, kenapa kau complicate sangat? like, why, on earth do you have surface proteins that spells like 3 long words, and your abbreviations.. hhaha subhanallah! Why are you so complicated? Cant you just infect humans in a simple way. Macam HIV ke. Serabut aku tengok protein content kau, dengan organelle kau, dengan susunan gene kau. Bleurgh.
so, my conversation with Plasmodium. Everytime aku tengok nota ni, dahla tak tersusun. Dah nampak macam belacan dah. I've been studying on this for 2,3 hours by now.
I know I shouldn't complain. I should be happy. I am really. This was my first choice anyway. I expected this and here I am in Glasgow studying in a dungeon where I see morning light everyday for 1 hour max. ok bunyi sarcastic but I'm really glad I'm here.
I wrote this, firstly, because I was sleepy. And I'm fasting insha Allah. Hence, the coffee constraint.
Secondly, I miss Elly. I read her blog. And I miss her. Ellyyy, oh Elllyy. Kalu mu bace blog ni, mu senyum molek la deh. Karat dah kecekan aku.
So, yeah study week. So far so good. Well spent. To those who have read this, doakan semua dipermudahkan please? Thanks :)
When I wrote this. I just realized, this could be very well may be, the last exam I could ever sit for. Lepas ni memang buat researches, projects, Vivas and poster presentations. But it's Thursday, almost a week since I've been screwing my brain sumbat-sumbat-sumbat sampai lewat malam and on the 4th day of sumbat exercises, aku penat.
I'm sleepy, my eyes are scrawny and filled with eyebags, and my tudung is sloppy *although I do think I look pretty today* but at the 5th or 6th hour in the library, yang rupa sikit macam dungeon canggih *andersonian library* I DONT CARE anymore. I might as well be the sloppiest, most selebet, unattractive looking student on the planet.
Topics covered? Plasmodium.. well, now I'm reading on plasmodium, while this guy behind me has been literally stomping on his keyboards all day. Dah la Plasmodium ni tak difahami. I'm like looking at this parasite, which looks like a tear, and I'm like.
what the heck plasmodium. falciparum ke malaria ke. what. the. heck? I mean, kenapa kau complicate sangat? like, why, on earth do you have surface proteins that spells like 3 long words, and your abbreviations.. hhaha subhanallah! Why are you so complicated? Cant you just infect humans in a simple way. Macam HIV ke. Serabut aku tengok protein content kau, dengan organelle kau, dengan susunan gene kau. Bleurgh.
so, my conversation with Plasmodium. Everytime aku tengok nota ni, dahla tak tersusun. Dah nampak macam belacan dah. I've been studying on this for 2,3 hours by now.
I know I shouldn't complain. I should be happy. I am really. This was my first choice anyway. I expected this and here I am in Glasgow studying in a dungeon where I see morning light everyday for 1 hour max. ok bunyi sarcastic but I'm really glad I'm here.
I wrote this, firstly, because I was sleepy. And I'm fasting insha Allah. Hence, the coffee constraint.
Secondly, I miss Elly. I read her blog. And I miss her. Ellyyy, oh Elllyy. Kalu mu bace blog ni, mu senyum molek la deh. Karat dah kecekan aku.
So, yeah study week. So far so good. Well spent. To those who have read this, doakan semua dipermudahkan please? Thanks :)
Wednesday, 13 November 2013
Sebuah Kisah Klasik
Bismillah.
I was on the bus, making my way to the Andersonian Library when I listened to Sebuah Kisah Klasik.
And I can't help but remember one of the best memories that I had here, right here, in the land of Far Far Away. And I told myself when I arrive at the library the first thing I'm gonna do is write this down, so that I remember how I felt, and will always appreciate that moment, this feeling no matter what happens next.
It was a cold day. Wet, cold and I was tired. But I had friends everywhere, everyone was busy doing something, going somewhere, the ecstasy of the Malaysian atmosphere was too much, it seems suffocating.
I had a game that day. It was netball, wasn't my forte but it was closest to basketball so, I played anyway. I lost my first game, I wan't happy but since I didn't cared much, it didn't affect me. I was wrong in a way. All I cared and wanted to do was to see some basketball and meet my brother go get some coffee or something, snap some pictures with him, call the family and enjoy some Malaysian food.
Things changed for me when I saw him. I swear, my heart beat so fast, I felt warm in that 2 or 3 Celsius morning. Macam mana nak describe. *I told myself I wont' be able to describe how i felt because it was so intense* I never thought I would be able to see him. *yes. SEE. just SEE* him, but I did anyway. I had this crush on him back at home, and lo and behold, Allah bawak dia sini, Allah temukan aku dengan dia. Yes. TEMU.
I never dreamt of talking to him. Never. But I was so flabbergasted by the whole mumbo-jumbo takdir thingy, I called up Ejat and asked him;
"ape ayat cool nak approach orang?"
He laughed of course. Knowing what kind of person I am *this so called-I dont-care, selebet,slumber,serabai girl who eats 12' inch pizza in 7 minutes* I guess he didn't see this coming. Me, giddy and asking for wingman services.
But I pulled up all my courage, as the saying in For you I will by Teddy Geiger, I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have. And just, talked to him.
I swear, it felt like an EPIC FAIL for me. I don't know what was it like for him, must have seen me like some crazy schoolgirl, stupid ke ape ke macam sumpah awkward gila. But whatever it is, I talked to him. And it felt surreal, it's like what the.. just happened?? Haha. It was crazy I swear.
I felt giddy ALL DAY. And it gave me this adrenaline rush, so much so, I won every netball game after that, I was guarded by two people in EVERY game, and I had the best time of my life. What happened next was a breeze. I met my brother, he treated me chinese food, we had a good walk together, called mak, ayah, he hugged me before parting and told me;
"I'm happy to see that you are happy"
His literal words. Masha Allah, I cannot thank Allah enough for that day. The day, I spoke to someone I liked so much, never had the courage or imagination that I would get the chance to just know him, talk to him. The day that I enjoyed good, great chemistry in netball. My teammates were awesome. Funny, caring, cool and just damn right fast. The day that I meet my brother. And got a hug for him. Just remembering this hug, his words, bagi aku semangat. *yes I'm in my study week now*
SSome other things happened to me next. Regarding this crush of mine. But that's not the point. I just want to remember this particular day, what it felt like, that surging adrenaline, crush rush, what it felt like, going up to your crush and idiotically introducing yourself. It sounds stupid and awkward but Allah made it in such a way that.. I'm thankful it happened.
he might read this. God forbid he does and he knows who I'm talking about because he reads and blogs too. But if he does, I'm sorry if I make you feel uncomfortable. This is just how I feel, I like to write, I've been writing since I was in primary school, and I just want to remember this for as long as I live. It's okay if you won't talk or approach or if you see me somewhere in Malaysia or UK or on earth for that matter and you just look away. I'm just glad Allah gave me this courage, this rezeki to talk to you. This experience has been; awesome.
I'm weird I know. And in so many ways. And I'm smiling now because I like being weird and funny and I just don't care anymore. I'll just believe in Allah and what He has planned for me and I know this seems like its not personal because I wrote in on my blog, but I just think blogging is way more convenient than writing on paper and I'm talking nonsense now but.. here goes. Thank you Allah for the 9th November 2013. And the days to come.
I was on the bus, making my way to the Andersonian Library when I listened to Sebuah Kisah Klasik.
'bersenang-senanglah karna waktu ini yang kan kita banggakan'
It was a cold day. Wet, cold and I was tired. But I had friends everywhere, everyone was busy doing something, going somewhere, the ecstasy of the Malaysian atmosphere was too much, it seems suffocating.
I had a game that day. It was netball, wasn't my forte but it was closest to basketball so, I played anyway. I lost my first game, I wan't happy but since I didn't cared much, it didn't affect me. I was wrong in a way. All I cared and wanted to do was to see some basketball and meet my brother go get some coffee or something, snap some pictures with him, call the family and enjoy some Malaysian food.
Things changed for me when I saw him. I swear, my heart beat so fast, I felt warm in that 2 or 3 Celsius morning. Macam mana nak describe. *I told myself I wont' be able to describe how i felt because it was so intense* I never thought I would be able to see him. *yes. SEE. just SEE* him, but I did anyway. I had this crush on him back at home, and lo and behold, Allah bawak dia sini, Allah temukan aku dengan dia. Yes. TEMU.
I never dreamt of talking to him. Never. But I was so flabbergasted by the whole mumbo-jumbo takdir thingy, I called up Ejat and asked him;
"ape ayat cool nak approach orang?"
He laughed of course. Knowing what kind of person I am *this so called-I dont-care, selebet,slumber,serabai girl who eats 12' inch pizza in 7 minutes* I guess he didn't see this coming. Me, giddy and asking for wingman services.
But I pulled up all my courage, as the saying in For you I will by Teddy Geiger, I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have. And just, talked to him.
I swear, it felt like an EPIC FAIL for me. I don't know what was it like for him, must have seen me like some crazy schoolgirl, stupid ke ape ke macam sumpah awkward gila. But whatever it is, I talked to him. And it felt surreal, it's like what the.. just happened?? Haha. It was crazy I swear.
I felt giddy ALL DAY. And it gave me this adrenaline rush, so much so, I won every netball game after that, I was guarded by two people in EVERY game, and I had the best time of my life. What happened next was a breeze. I met my brother, he treated me chinese food, we had a good walk together, called mak, ayah, he hugged me before parting and told me;
"I'm happy to see that you are happy"
His literal words. Masha Allah, I cannot thank Allah enough for that day. The day, I spoke to someone I liked so much, never had the courage or imagination that I would get the chance to just know him, talk to him. The day that I enjoyed good, great chemistry in netball. My teammates were awesome. Funny, caring, cool and just damn right fast. The day that I meet my brother. And got a hug for him. Just remembering this hug, his words, bagi aku semangat. *yes I'm in my study week now*
SSome other things happened to me next. Regarding this crush of mine. But that's not the point. I just want to remember this particular day, what it felt like, that surging adrenaline, crush rush, what it felt like, going up to your crush and idiotically introducing yourself. It sounds stupid and awkward but Allah made it in such a way that.. I'm thankful it happened.
he might read this. God forbid he does and he knows who I'm talking about because he reads and blogs too. But if he does, I'm sorry if I make you feel uncomfortable. This is just how I feel, I like to write, I've been writing since I was in primary school, and I just want to remember this for as long as I live. It's okay if you won't talk or approach or if you see me somewhere in Malaysia or UK or on earth for that matter and you just look away. I'm just glad Allah gave me this courage, this rezeki to talk to you. This experience has been; awesome.
I'm weird I know. And in so many ways. And I'm smiling now because I like being weird and funny and I just don't care anymore. I'll just believe in Allah and what He has planned for me and I know this seems like its not personal because I wrote in on my blog, but I just think blogging is way more convenient than writing on paper and I'm talking nonsense now but.. here goes. Thank you Allah for the 9th November 2013. And the days to come.
My walk with my brother.
Pretty much sums the day. Haha. Close to perfect. Memang sebuah kisah klasik untuk masa depan.
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